Self Compassion: How to Love Yourself Without Feeling Selfish
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In today’s fast-paced and demanding society, we often encounter people who seem to demand more of themselves. Those ‘people’ could be us. We are the ones who seem to demand more than we can handle, working non-stop; denying all emotions; and only ‘quitting’ when we feel that we can no longer understand what our true purpose is. Ironically, we find it easier to show empathy to others than to ourselves. Yet, there is nothing wrong with having a compassionate attitude towards ourselves, a foundation of mental strength; happiness; calmness; and the achievement of our long-term goals.
It often feels like we are our own worst enemy. When failure strikes, we blame ourselves and say “I should have done better than this” and end up demanding more than ever. Indeed, life is a place to seek as much experience as possible, a place to learn, a place to develop without fear of failure. So, why do we seem to forget these things?
Try to see it from another perspective. When someone close to us fails, will we respond the same way we would respond to ourselves? Can we sue them for a failure that was clearly not part of their plan? Of course not. When that happens, the response we might give is words of encouragement that will calm them down. We say, “It’s okay if you fail, there are plenty of other opportunities. You did the best thing for yourself.” But have we ever thought of treating ourselves the way we treat others?
Self Compassion is a state of how one can treat themselves as they would treat others in difficult times. The concept of self compassion has three important aspects: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. The first aspect of self compassion is being kind to oneself when experiencing mistakes or failures. Self-kindness can be in the form of sympathy for oneself when experiencing difficulties, giving awareness that imperfections or failures can happen to everyone, so there is nothing wrong with still giving a friendly response to yourself rather than blaming yourself. The second aspect of self compassion is common humanity, which is the belief that painful experiences are part of the life path that every human being must experience. When people experience failure, loss, rejection, humiliation, or other negative things, they often feel that these things only happen to themselves. Common humanity provides a realization that every human being has painful experiences and that it is natural in the cycle of life, so there is no need to feel alienated when experiencing bad things (Shofwatun Amaliyah, 2023).
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The third aspect of self-compassion is mindfulness, which involves a balanced perspective in dealing with situations so as not to get carried away by emotions. When faced with painful experiences and difficult situations in life, a person with low self-compassion tends to dwell on the negatives of the situation and feel overwhelmed by their emotions. In contrast, a person with high self-compassion is able to maintain a complete perspective when experiencing life’s difficulties. Mindfulness helps a person to focus and care about their feelings in difficult moments in life (Shofwatun Amaliyah, 2023).
Self compassion can be an appropriate source of coping when we experience difficulties in life and find it difficult to control emotions within. By applying the concept of self-compassion in life, a person is expected to be able to make peace with the problems or difficulties that are being faced without constantly blaming themselves and lamenting them.
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Source :
Shofwatun Amaliyah, S. P. (2023, January 19). Self-Compassion: Konsep Kasih Sayang terhadap Diri Sendiri. Retrieved from unkartur.ac.id: https://unkartur.ac.id/blog/2023/01/19/self-compassion-konsep-kasih-sayang-terhadap-diri-sendiri/
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Writer: Madina Siti Nur ‘Aisyah / Public Health ‘23
Editor: Aura Ahyaya Dahayu Putranto / Psychology ‘22
